[ He smiles softly as the other leans into his touch- which really, is better than John rejecting him and needing space. His eyes meet the other as he gives a little nod with a soft smile.]
I would not have blamed you if you had- though usually, I enjoy being there for such a thing.
[ He only was bothered when the other did it out a place of pain. He knew watched Reggie take a train of men once and was fine- he just knew the way pain can create proper chaos and wounds that don't quite heal.]
Can I do anything? Magic up a spell? Hm? Or some food? Or just...be here?
[ Like the fire he manipulates, John is impulsive and chaotic and destructive when he's out of control. To everyone and everything around him, but also to himself as well. The fact that he hadn't spiraled into such a state this second time around is... good? For the best? Something, certainly. Though his wanting to not feel anything isn't exactly any better.
Quiet for a moment, as if considering, he lets his gaze drop. ]
Do you want Magnus to come back here? [ He asks then, still not looking up. ] Because I don't know if I want Alec to come back.
[ Whatever answer he'd been expecting from his lover- it certainly wasn't *that*. Caliban blinked at that question before he gave a soft sigh and reached a hand up to brush through those blond, wild locks of his as he regarded the question.
In a lot of ways it was tempted to completely try and change the subject but-...well- honesty is no doubt what the other needed right now.]
Me and Magnus... use to talk quite a bit after we'd...finished for the night. Long talks about all manner of things. [ He pointed out as he took another deep breath as let his eyes drop to the other.] And, as many do, we talked about the future. Magnus once promised me that he'd find a way to punch through the bounds of this universe to find me again if I ever returned home. He tried even while I was here- to find Nick Scratch for Nate- but it never worked. He'd tell me about his life, though. And his friends and his lovers there- the way he talked about it had me almost being able to see it.
And yet he talked with a near certainty he would find me again. But...
[ He sucked on the inside of his cheek before he shook his head.]
No. I don't wish him to come back. [ Least of all because Caliban knows his own death awaits him in the void. ] He has a future at home.
[ Listening to Caliban tell him his thoughts concerning Magnus ever returning here, John just barely lifts his gaze when the demon goes and tells him how he doesn't want the warlock to return here and, as he does, he can't help but feel both sympathetic and sad for the demon. ]
They both do.
[ With each other, it seems.
Reaching out then, he takes Caliban's hand and softly holds it within his own. Quiet still for a moment, looking to their hands. ]
Let's hope they don't make their way back here then... and stay happy where they are.
[ His hand slips into the others easily enough with a faint little smile and a nod at those next words. He hadn't really thought about Magnus since he'd left- at least since the surprise of owning the Grey Room and the celebration they'd all had about him.
In a lot of ways, it felt like to Caliban that it was just..easier to think of them finding happiness without the pain of being here.]
Yes- I have no doubt that Alec and Magnus are enjoying quite a wonderful life together. Magnus was never one to keep his love or his life so simple.
[ He mused lightly as he watched the other for a few moments.]
You are, however, allowed to miss him you know. Every day if you wish.
[ It was hard to argue with the others words- after all, he'd seen the other in the state he was when Alec was first swept away before he gave a little nod as he had the feeling this wasn't something John actually wanted to fight about.]
Fine-..
[ There's a little pause before-]
If you wish to take his memories away again, I do wish you come to be first for such a thing but- how you wish to deal with this...pain and loss is up to you.
[ He pointed out as he reached up a hand to cup the other's neck with a little nod.]
But I do not deny that it is better to focus on what is here- right now while you can.
Pretty sure I've numbed myself to all my memories by now, so. Nothing I have to worry about there.
[ The smile he gives Caliban is faint — bittersweet almost. He's mostly just tired.
Slow shake of his head, he lets himself lean into that touch there at his neck, eyes falling shut for just a moment or two before he's looking back to the demon there in front of him. Standing there together in their home. ]
Life goes on, I guess. Whether I want it to or not.
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I would not have blamed you if you had- though usually, I enjoy being there for such a thing.
[ He only was bothered when the other did it out a place of pain. He knew watched Reggie take a train of men once and was fine- he just knew the way pain can create proper chaos and wounds that don't quite heal.]
Can I do anything? Magic up a spell? Hm? Or some food? Or just...be here?
no subject
Quiet for a moment, as if considering, he lets his gaze drop. ]
Do you want Magnus to come back here? [ He asks then, still not looking up. ] Because I don't know if I want Alec to come back.
no subject
In a lot of ways it was tempted to completely try and change the subject but-...well- honesty is no doubt what the other needed right now.]
Me and Magnus... use to talk quite a bit after we'd...finished for the night. Long talks about all manner of things. [ He pointed out as he took another deep breath as let his eyes drop to the other.] And, as many do, we talked about the future. Magnus once promised me that he'd find a way to punch through the bounds of this universe to find me again if I ever returned home. He tried even while I was here- to find Nick Scratch for Nate- but it never worked. He'd tell me about his life, though. And his friends and his lovers there- the way he talked about it had me almost being able to see it.
And yet he talked with a near certainty he would find me again. But...
[ He sucked on the inside of his cheek before he shook his head.]
No. I don't wish him to come back. [ Least of all because Caliban knows his own death awaits him in the void. ] He has a future at home.
How could I stand in the way of such a thing?
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They both do.
[ With each other, it seems.
Reaching out then, he takes Caliban's hand and softly holds it within his own. Quiet still for a moment, looking to their hands. ]
Let's hope they don't make their way back here then... and stay happy where they are.
no subject
In a lot of ways, it felt like to Caliban that it was just..easier to think of them finding happiness without the pain of being here.]
Yes- I have no doubt that Alec and Magnus are enjoying quite a wonderful life together. Magnus was never one to keep his love or his life so simple.
[ He mused lightly as he watched the other for a few moments.]
You are, however, allowed to miss him you know. Every day if you wish.
no subject
[ Sigh on his lips, he looks up to Caliban, hand still holding his. ]
Just better to let him go. You know? For both our sakes.
no subject
Fine-..
[ There's a little pause before-]
If you wish to take his memories away again, I do wish you come to be first for such a thing but- how you wish to deal with this...pain and loss is up to you.
[ He pointed out as he reached up a hand to cup the other's neck with a little nod.]
But I do not deny that it is better to focus on what is here- right now while you can.
no subject
[ The smile he gives Caliban is faint — bittersweet almost. He's mostly just tired.
Slow shake of his head, he lets himself lean into that touch there at his neck, eyes falling shut for just a moment or two before he's looking back to the demon there in front of him. Standing there together in their home. ]
Life goes on, I guess. Whether I want it to or not.