[ He figures the whole "we need to talk" thing is liable to make Caliban worry, but. Even with his current mental state a little on the depressed and angry side of things, he still feels something for the demon and he needs to let him know.
So, making his way down, when he spots Caliban, he lingers there in the doorway, not letting himself come in fully. Not yet at least. ]
I want to contract with you. But I don't think I should.
[ Caliban was just slipping on a shirt as he hears those words from the doorway and be turn to look over at the mutant. Various wood shavings litter the floor and a few unfinished pieces of furniture are scattered around the place. Caliban's whole human experience had lead him to appreciate doing a few things without magic.
For once he buttons up his shirt as he walks closer, his eyebrows furrowed together- those were not reassuring words.]
And why exactly don't you think you should? Do you not feel like this is your home anymore?
[ As Caliban approaches, John eyes him in a way that seems... conflicted. He knows how he'd been to him at the camp — how withdrawn he's been here and part of him doesn't know why he's even coming closer to him when he should maybe feel frustrated or disappointed in him. At least that's how it was with his parents. ]
Because there's a chance I'm going to do something reckless and I don't want you to take the heat because of me. [ Looking up then, he licks over his lips and shrugs, glancing off. ] I don't have a dom, punishment falls completely on me. You don't get slapped with whatever this place thinks you deserve because you couldn't control your submissive.
[ In other words: he doesn't want to drag someone he cares about down with him. He'd rather burn all on his own. ]
> [ Caliban perhaps, should have tried harder at camp and after- beyond giving the other his own time to work though the trauma of it all. The demon just knew that his usual attempts to get though to John had failed or been outwardly rejected. Those blond curls tilt to his side as he sucks on the inside of his cheek.]
So you think a simple thing like the city's punishment would not be something I would endure to still have you as mine? [ Caliban pointed out as he dropped back against the workbench with a little fold of his arms.] I think you underestimate the strength of royalty, John.
[ He'd almost prefer it if John had he just didn't feel like they worked anymore. Or that Caliban wasn't the right dominant for him. This was..well, a little unfair.]
[ Because he's not denying that nor the others he might feel for but- ]
He would have to deal with such a situation if it happened and I would help him understand such a thing.
[ Caliban just watched John before he gave an large arch of both his eyebrows at the very *idea* he was better than john. He might be royalty but...well, his kingdom fell a while ago.]
Are you forgetting I come from a place that tortures mortal souls for an eternity? And the possibly that I might have done such a thing personally? Or at the very least seen things that most would find morally dark at best and done nothing? If this is your argument- I suggest you find a better one.
You have always been the better of us, John. And your anger- your fire - has always been one of the reasons I've adored and loved you for what and who you are.
[ Caliban just sighed as he tilted his head back a touch.]
What do you truly wish for the outcome to be here, John. I do not wish to lose the man I love.
You've never treated me like shit but I've done that to you. At the camp. Remember?
[ He snaps that back at the demon when he tries to argue he's not being "better" than him. John, obviously, sees it a little differently there. ]
I want to make people pay for what they did to me — to all of us but especially my own kind. [ Mutants, he means. ] That was exactly what humans want to do to us where I'm from, on top of de-powering us, slaughtering us, experimenting on us. I can't just stand back and get over it like it's some other day in this place and I hate that people just get on with their lives like it's nothing.
[ His voice cracks a bit, emotion heavy in his tone. ]
It's something to me and I'm not ok with what happened.
[ Well he can't deny that he'd hadn't been effect by the others words at camp- nor how they'd torn at his soul in such a deep way.]
You were under duress- I hardly took such words was gospel, John.
[ There's a tone in Caliban's voice but it's not annoyance- more like refrained control from keeping him from snapping back himself.
Still he lets John speak, his blond curls falling softly to the side as he gives a little nod.
John was right, of course, how could he not? And Caliban could see that pain pouring out of the other with every word like it was an open gushing wound. ]
And you think the price of perusing such a feeling, such proper justice is our love together- here.
[ John's not good at this — not good at confrontation like this. It's so much easier to just walk away — to run and never look back. Part of him thinks himself a fool for trying to speak to Caliban about this because it's frustrating him that the other pushes back. That he doesn't relent. That he doesn't just discard him like others might. Like others would. ]
Why are you looking to get yourself hurt? I'm giving you an out. So you don't get dragged down with me.
[ Why are you so stubborn, Caliban? Why do you care? ]
God- why can't you just be like everyone else and get rid of me?
Because I don't want to lose you, John. And you are something too precious to simply get rid of.
[ It was fundamentally that simple. He'd lost too many loves in his life already to care about some bullshit mutant rebellion as an excuse to lose John. The city could string up him for all he cared.
There was a sigh, though. A hand running though the demon's golden locks as he shifted on the spot. ]
...If you really feel this is something you need to do- if this is something you truly need to give up to do... this. If this is what gets your fire back- I can't demand you stop or change your mind.
[ Because he'd seen the results of John shutdown in the camp- and he hated that even more than the idea of being hurt by the city.]
Are you going to come back to me when you're done?
[ Because if he had to let John go... he had to know that he'd have the other in his arms again.]
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so whatever you feel is best for that
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He kinda hates the tone of this but he's always going to give John what he needs. Even here. ]
I'm in the workshop in the basement- if you want to come down.
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So, making his way down, when he spots Caliban, he lingers there in the doorway, not letting himself come in fully. Not yet at least. ]
I want to contract with you. But I don't think I should.
no subject
For once he buttons up his shirt as he walks closer, his eyebrows furrowed together- those were not reassuring words.]
And why exactly don't you think you should? Do you not feel like this is your home anymore?
[ That Caliban was his home.]
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Because there's a chance I'm going to do something reckless and I don't want you to take the heat because of me. [ Looking up then, he licks over his lips and shrugs, glancing off. ] I don't have a dom, punishment falls completely on me. You don't get slapped with whatever this place thinks you deserve because you couldn't control your submissive.
[ In other words: he doesn't want to drag someone he cares about down with him. He'd rather burn all on his own. ]
no subject
So you think a simple thing like the city's punishment would not be something I would endure to still have you as mine? [ Caliban pointed out as he dropped back against the workbench with a little fold of his arms.] I think you underestimate the strength of royalty, John.
[ He'd almost prefer it if John had he just didn't feel like they worked anymore. Or that Caliban wasn't the right dominant for him. This was..well, a little unfair.]
And what if I'm all right with taking the heat?
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[ It surprises even him how quick and sharp he snaps that at Caliban but he does and he's left there, jaw tight. ]
You've already dealt with punishment from this place before and Magnus wouldn't be thrilled about you getting in shit because of me.
[ But he'd risk burning that bridge with the warlock if it meant he could burn others to the ground. ]
You don't deserve to be dragged down with me. You're better than me.
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[ Because he's not denying that nor the others he might feel for but- ]
He would have to deal with such a situation if it happened and I would help him understand such a thing.
[ Caliban just watched John before he gave an large arch of both his eyebrows at the very *idea* he was better than john. He might be royalty but...well, his kingdom fell a while ago.]
Are you forgetting I come from a place that tortures mortal souls for an eternity? And the possibly that I might have done such a thing personally? Or at the very least seen things that most would find morally dark at best and done nothing? If this is your argument- I suggest you find a better one.
You have always been the better of us, John. And your anger- your fire - has always been one of the reasons I've adored and loved you for what and who you are.
[ Caliban just sighed as he tilted his head back a touch.]
What do you truly wish for the outcome to be here, John. I do not wish to lose the man I love.
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[ He snaps that back at the demon when he tries to argue he's not being "better" than him. John, obviously, sees it a little differently there. ]
I want to make people pay for what they did to me — to all of us but especially my own kind. [ Mutants, he means. ] That was exactly what humans want to do to us where I'm from, on top of de-powering us, slaughtering us, experimenting on us. I can't just stand back and get over it like it's some other day in this place and I hate that people just get on with their lives like it's nothing.
[ His voice cracks a bit, emotion heavy in his tone. ]
It's something to me and I'm not ok with what happened.
no subject
You were under duress- I hardly took such words was gospel, John.
[ There's a tone in Caliban's voice but it's not annoyance- more like refrained control from keeping him from snapping back himself.
Still he lets John speak, his blond curls falling softly to the side as he gives a little nod.
John was right, of course, how could he not? And Caliban could see that pain pouring out of the other with every word like it was an open gushing wound. ]
And you think the price of perusing such a feeling, such proper justice is our love together- here.
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Why are you looking to get yourself hurt? I'm giving you an out. So you don't get dragged down with me.
[ Why are you so stubborn, Caliban? Why do you care? ]
God- why can't you just be like everyone else and get rid of me?
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[ It was fundamentally that simple. He'd lost too many loves in his life already to care about some bullshit mutant rebellion as an excuse to lose John. The city could string up him for all he cared.
There was a sigh, though. A hand running though the demon's golden locks as he shifted on the spot. ]
...If you really feel this is something you need to do- if this is something you truly need to give up to do... this. If this is what gets your fire back- I can't demand you stop or change your mind.
[ Because he'd seen the results of John shutdown in the camp- and he hated that even more than the idea of being hurt by the city.]
Are you going to come back to me when you're done?
[ Because if he had to let John go... he had to know that he'd have the other in his arms again.]