[ There's an arch of his eyebrow at that but he was just going to put the device down and instead, slip out of his door and head towards the couch. Honestly, with how their talks had gone in the last six months- anything could come out of John's mouth. Was he going to want to no longer be Caliban's permanent submissive? Was he going to request they leave someone else out of the house?
Who knows, honestly.
Caliban was wearing his usual open shirt, silk sweatpants as he walked up behind the couch to brush a hand along the back of John's neck affectionately.]
Should I be worried, my heart?
[ He pointed out, the nickname coming fairly easily from his lips.]
[ Caliban is always coming up with names for him, it seems.
He still wears the bracelet he’d been gifted from Christmas, fingers idly brushing over it when the demon comes up behind him and he sits there. Quiet. At least until he comes to look over to him, licking over his lips as he does. ]
[ There's a temptation to point out that all mortals were fucked up one way or another according to the demon but he's aware enough to hold his tongue on that particular comeback. The blond simply tilts his head and brushes his tongue over his lower lip for a moment.]
You're complex, John. That's not a negative thing.
I’m compulsive… impulsive and unpredictable. I get into moods where I want to burn everything down and push you and Alec away. That’s kind of fucked up to do that to people you’re supposed to care about, isn’t it?
[ Fingers rubbing over his eyes, he blows out a sigh and drapes an arm over the back of the couch, glancing up to Caliban then. ]
I’m gonna try and fix it. Try and just… make it go away. Those feelings and ways.
I'd repeat my last point but I feel like it would fall on deaf ears.
[ Caliban pointed out before his eyebrows push together at the other's words. At the notion of fixing it.
Of making it go away. The feelings. The very thing that made John feel so human to Caliban.
But- he recalled the way John was at the camp. The way he'd shut down in a way that Caliban couldn't reach it. Couldn't find a way back to him through all the darkness in his mind.
That, more than the others "push everyone away" was the thing that held Caliban's tongue from pointing out he didn't need to fix anything. ]
[ He's constantly in battle with himself in his head, he feels, and he's getting... frustrated. Tired. Helpless. Forever feeling there's something wrong with him that he can't fix. Not on his own. Not like this. ]
I know a guy. [ He says then, letting his hand drop to his knee. ] I asked him if he could just remove those parts from me. With his magic.
[ There's a blink at that and the demon was leaning forward just a touch. Two things were pretty apparent in that single sentence. A. John had been thinking about this for a while and this wasn't a talk about permission or advice since he'd already asked the other.
And asked another magic user, no less, considering Caliban's own arcane abilities- that was a little bit hurtful.
He wants to put out that such magic was dangerous, reckless, and certainly immoral considering what it was designed to do but not everyone could change who they were as easy as a clay demon.
Caliban sighs, a hand reaching up to brush through his blond locks as he swallows a touch.]
And you plan to do it. [ A statement, not a question, considering the other's words.
Caliban sucks on the inside of his cheek for a second. If John wanted his approval, it wasn't a great start.]
[ It's not approval John seeks. Regardless of his being a submissive, he's always done what he's wanted— who he's wanted and that is something that won't change, even if he changes parts of himself. ]
I do.
[ He's sure of himself in saying that. ]
I'm not asking you to give me your blessing. But I'm also not keeping it from you. Because you're my...
[ It's times like this when he almost wonders if having a traditional submissive and dominant relationship would be easier. A firmer way to say no or to make it clearer than it's not something he'd advise doing.
His eyes do soften though, at those lingering unspoken words.
Lover, partner, Dominant.
They'd never been good at defining their relationship and that's no doubt part of the issue John has. That inability to be able to admit he loves two people, the pressure of that. ]
...All right then. Do you wish me to be there?
[ For the magical part- keep an eye on him. To make sure nothing goes wrong.
No. I don't want either of you there. You or Alec. [ He clarifies. ] This is something I need to do myself.
[ Having their support and attempt at understanding is fine and all. But he wants to do this his way and he trusts Nate enough to know he's in good hands with this, so. It's fine. He doesn't need an audience there to see if this all goes wrong and he can't be "fixed" even with magic. ]
I just needed to tell you both I was going to. So neither of you thought I was keeping something from you deliberately.
[ Caliban's just going to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back his words on the matter. He's grateful that the other wasn't hiding something from him- the demon certainly wouldn't have dealt with it well if he'd found out after the fact.
But this was ultimately a matter of trust. And if the other was going to be his submissive in the long term, on a proper basis- he couldn't undermine the first choice the other came out with. ]
I can't imagine Alec reacted anything any better than me. [ Caliban pointed out before he simply pushed forward to drop into the seat next to John, a hand moving down to brush along the other arm to find his hand.]
...Well, thank you for...telling me John. I can't lie and say I fully understand those feelings. [ There's another beat as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip.] But if this is what you need to do- then as long as you come home. I can't find a reason to try and stop you from this.
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text; un: pyro
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Do you wish to come to my room?
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come here
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Who knows, honestly.
Caliban was wearing his usual open shirt, silk sweatpants as he walked up behind the couch to brush a hand along the back of John's neck affectionately.]
Should I be worried, my heart?
[ He pointed out, the nickname coming fairly easily from his lips.]
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He still wears the bracelet he’d been gifted from Christmas, fingers idly brushing over it when the demon comes up behind him and he sits there. Quiet. At least until he comes to look over to him, licking over his lips as he does. ]
I’m kinda fucked up, you know?
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You're complex, John. That's not a negative thing.
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[ Fingers rubbing over his eyes, he blows out a sigh and drapes an arm over the back of the couch, glancing up to Caliban then. ]
I’m gonna try and fix it. Try and just… make it go away. Those feelings and ways.
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[ Caliban pointed out before his eyebrows push together at the other's words. At the notion of fixing it.
Of making it go away. The feelings. The very thing that made John feel so human to Caliban.
But- he recalled the way John was at the camp. The way he'd shut down in a way that Caliban couldn't reach it. Couldn't find a way back to him through all the darkness in his mind.
That, more than the others "push everyone away" was the thing that held Caliban's tongue from pointing out he didn't need to fix anything. ]
And how are you exactly planning on doing that?
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I know a guy. [ He says then, letting his hand drop to his knee. ] I asked him if he could just remove those parts from me. With his magic.
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And asked another magic user, no less, considering Caliban's own arcane abilities- that was a little bit hurtful.
He wants to put out that such magic was dangerous, reckless, and certainly immoral considering what it was designed to do but not everyone could change who they were as easy as a clay demon.
Caliban sighs, a hand reaching up to brush through his blond locks as he swallows a touch.]
And you plan to do it. [ A statement, not a question, considering the other's words.
Caliban sucks on the inside of his cheek for a second. If John wanted his approval, it wasn't a great start.]
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I do.
[ He's sure of himself in saying that. ]
I'm not asking you to give me your blessing. But I'm also not keeping it from you. Because you're my...
[ Dominant. Friend. Other partner.
A shake of his head, he sighs. ]
I don't expect anyone else to understand.
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His eyes do soften though, at those lingering unspoken words.
Lover, partner, Dominant.
They'd never been good at defining their relationship and that's no doubt part of the issue John has. That inability to be able to admit he loves two people, the pressure of that. ]
...All right then. Do you wish me to be there?
[ For the magical part- keep an eye on him. To make sure nothing goes wrong.
So Caliban can at least be there.]
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[ Having their support and attempt at understanding is fine and all. But he wants to do this his way and he trusts Nate enough to know he's in good hands with this, so. It's fine. He doesn't need an audience there to see if this all goes wrong and he can't be "fixed" even with magic. ]
I just needed to tell you both I was going to. So neither of you thought I was keeping something from you deliberately.
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But this was ultimately a matter of trust. And if the other was going to be his submissive in the long term, on a proper basis- he couldn't undermine the first choice the other came out with. ]
I can't imagine Alec reacted anything any better than me. [ Caliban pointed out before he simply pushed forward to drop into the seat next to John, a hand moving down to brush along the other arm to find his hand.]
...Well, thank you for...telling me John. I can't lie and say I fully understand those feelings. [ There's another beat as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip.] But if this is what you need to do- then as long as you come home. I can't find a reason to try and stop you from this.