[ Words that are soft as he asks then and ones that, he doesn't really want to get into, but. He's come to accept those parts of himself — or at least acknowledge them more honestly rather than suppress and ignore them. ]
He feels like I'm a hypocrite for getting upset that Alec loves more than one person when I care about you.
I thought it was some outlet for some held-down aggression for me. Or alternatively-
[ There's a little reach of his hand up to brush his fingers over that mark he'd carved into the skin of the other, teasing over the other's shirt to touch it.]
Some reaction to this.
[ Of course the demon king was wrong as his eyebrows went up at those next words.]
Ah. This. [ Not exactly the first time the other had struggled with those feelings.] And he wanted to kill me so, you what, only had Alec's love to guide you?
Either way, he sighs as he rests there against both the couch and the demon, staring across the room. ]
Do you know why I get insecure like that? Why it bothers me that Alec reciprocates what whatshisname feels towards him here and why it doesn't bother me that he had Magnus?
[ He's teasing back with a little amused glint in his eyes. God. Honestly hearing either Jace or John talk about each other is a god damn experience.
Caliban's hand reaches up to brush along his lover's back, slipping under the other rumbled shirt to do so as he shifts back against the couch himself with a gentle brush of his him. ]
Because of that connection they share. That angelic...blood of theirs.
[ Alec had talked about it once, long ago, before Jace had arrived while they were in bed together, ironically, but it was a shot in the dark all the same.]
[ Nate had guessed as much as well, but. No. He was wrong and Caliban as well is. ]
He's the person Alec's been in love with since forever back where he's from but he never felt the same way about Alec until magically showing up here.
[ Shaking his head, he lets his teeth drag over his bottom lip before he tilts his head some to look up to Caliban what with lounging against him and all on the couch. ]
You know. I actually encouraged Alec to give him some time to fit in here because he was acting weird around Alec. I told him he was his best friend and he'd never think less of him or something for liking guys or being with guys or whatever. I got blown off and referred to as the boyfriend by him so I was just like fine, whatever.
[ Again, he shakes his head. ]
But then he goes and claims he loves Alec and it's like... I can't compete with someone's first love. I'd feel the same way if your wife showed up here. Like I can't measure up to that. No matter what I do.
[ And you could argue they all but shared a soul through it but he let any words die because hey, clearly he was *wrong* about his reasoning.
Caliban's tongue brushes along his lower lip at those words because- you could hear the hurt and frustration in John's voice. The genuine pain of that situation.
Of course, then the other went and mentioned *Sabrina* and he was oh so tempted to point out that his wife was *dead* and even if Sabrina did turn up, there was every chance it wouldn't be his version of her.
Because...well, she'd split herself into two somewhat ironically. ]
It's not about measuring up, John. [ It seemed like a better thing to focus on as he reached forward to brush his hand along the other side with a press of his lips.]
I want you because of who you are- of the depth of your soul. I would claim you, keep you, marry you in all the ways that mattered to the mortals or the celestial realm.
You are not in competition. I would say that Alec feels the same way. You are not lessened by someone else's feelings for another- your worth is not dictated by that very thing either.
You are a divine creature. [ Caliban pointed out as he let his hand brush over the others.] But I can see this pain for you, a struggle even. Do you think your feelings for me make you love Alec any less?
[ The touches Caliban gives to him are probably ones which some might not believe a demon king of hell possible to give to another and yet, with him, he does. He assumes also with Alec whenever they end up in bed together. Maybe Magnus. Others? He tries not to think about it lest he make himself feel insecure and not as special which feels stupid to begin with, but. It is what it is and he feels how he feels. It's just harder to admit that he does— to talk about it because of that fear that it will one day be Too Much for someone or they'll get sick of it and he'll have messed it up. ]
It feels fine if it's me doing it. But when someone else does it, I don't like it. Because I'm selfish and greedy like any other mortal.
[ Mortal. Not human, because he's not one of those. ]
That's what I meant when I told you I was all sorts of fucked up.
A terrible time for me to point out there are times when I enjoy you're selfish and greedy-
[ There's teasing impish smirk at that but he's not chasing that point too far down its dirty alleyway it would no doubt lead. Though the others struggle with this isn't something he can fully deal with himself- considering he never really saw an issue with John's feelings for Alec. Not when he as affection for Reggie or for Magnus himself.
But there are *times* he could get jealous of John. If he saw the other submitting for someone- another dominant maybe- , or saw John giving himself over in a way that he saw as should be only for Caliban.
Though neither of those situations had come up yet. ]
Most mortals I know are, John. They're complicated and contradictory- and stubborn.
[ There's a huff and an ugh as he pushes himself up from the demon. ]
I can't believe you're not bothered by this. Am I taking crazy pills or something here in this place?
[ Scooting down to the other end of the couch, he huffs again and grabs one of the pillows, pulling his knees up and wrapping arms around that pillow, hugging it tight, chin dropped atop it. Honestly, it's a good thing he can't see himself and how he looks when he's pouting because he sort of looks... cute doing it. ]
I don't know if I'll ever be completely ok with it. I'm not like everyone else here. It's like I'm a freak at home for being different and a freak here for being different in another way entirely.
[ Thank you very much because he was enjoying a lap full of John as the other crawls off him and the demon just sighs as he runs a hand through his long blond hair and peers over at John for a moment.
He does look very, very cute as he pouts like that, pillow against his chest and just...well, adorable. ]
Would you prefer I had an issue with it? That I demand that you only love me? Or that I call you impossible because of the way you feel about this? Say you're screwed up because of it?
[ He pointed out with a little press of his lips.]
If someone from your past came here-....and told me that they loved you, and that wanted you, and asked me to let you go-...
[ There's a pause as the demon sucks on his cheek.]
I would refuse them, John. Perhaps that makes me a hypocrite as well- for I would not give you up so easily.
[ It's strange how hearing that makes the mutant look over to the demon with a sort of softness in his eyes — a longing, even, that might seem strange for one to feel about such a thing, but. It's there in those blue-gray eyes of his, peering over the top of the pillow. ]
You wouldn't?
[ The question is soft — careful. Almost as if he believes himself to being toyed with right now. ]
[ It's John's *choice* to love Alec and whoever else but he's still in Caliban's life, he's still in his bed and he's still allowing that love between them. ]
I love you, John. You are not something I would toss away because someone has a past claim to your heart, John.
That mark on your chest isn't something I share with just anyone. Your love for Alec is a joy because it makes you happy, John. Some other...past love who thinks they would be better for you?
I would fight for you- and every inch of your heart.
[ Again, Caliban goes and says how he feels about him — that he loves him and it still has John just staring to him. It's only when he goes and says how he would fight for him— fight to keep him and not give him up to someone else that he really hears the depth of those words and those words are what seem to get to him more than the I love yous. ]
Sometimes it's nice to hear that.
[ He says then, quietly. ]
I feel like... people here just get too caught up in— too used to how things are here with just being with anyone and everyone that it's like... it's hard to feel special sometimes. At least for me.
[ And why wouldn't a fire manipulating mutant want to feel special? Especially when anyone and everyone can be told they're loved here. ]
[ It's not a hard thing to see how John could feel like in a city where half the time the city was tricking you into being with someone out of the blue that he might feel less...special when it came to those more intimate feelings.]
I would punch a hole through the universes to be at your side, John. That is not something I can say for everyone.
[ He pointed out as he leans a hand over to give the other knee a little squeeze.]
Is there a way I can make you feel more...special?
[ Though he would say having his mark and being a more permanent submissive would achieve such a goal. Therés a pause before Caliban was just going to reach up to tug off his necklace. The shrunken down version of the crown he'd arrived with to the city, was one of the few things he'd bought along with him.
He didn't ask as he took the others hand and slip it down, over the other finger.]
[ He's not sure how to answer that. How to give the demon suggestions in making him feel more special. It feels like something where, if he knew the answer to it, he would just do it himself. Wouldn't he? But he doesn't know how to and so he doesn't. Feel special. Something to stupid and trivial and shouldn't be such a Big Deal when you have someone(s) who love you and yet... he does. Want to feel that way. Embarrassing (or pathetic) as it may be.
About to say something, he comes to pause when that necklace is removed and his hand is taken, Caliban slipping something on him which has the submissive blink up and over to the demon. Genuinely confused. ]
[ Which seemed a simple enough thing to the demon. The other wanted to feel special, so why not give the other something that Magnus, Reggie or anyone else could ever have?
Something that was so dear to him that he'd dragged it from his own world.]
I won this crown, as a way to claim my throne.
[ He pointed out as he brushed his finger over the ring in question before his hand dropped away.]
And it represents that throne, and now it's yours.
[ There's a heaviness he feels in his chest when Caliban explains. Not because it feels wrong to have, but because he knows what waits for the demon if he ever leaves here. That he no longer has a throne for himself. ]
[ He pointed out- if only to express that the other was on the same level as that throne to him. As taking over the whole human realm was- John was special.
[ Because hey, he's aware complicated things like John's feelings about Jace or Alec or him don't get waved away in a simple gesture but he's trying all the same to help- There's a simple smile from the demon as he meets those eyes again with a little simple tilt of his head.]
But hopefully, it's a way to remind you that you are, in fact, quite special, John.
[ He pointed out as he leaned forward to bump his forehead against the others gently.]
[ The gentle bump to his forehead is a little unexpected and it shows in the way those eyes go bright and wide. It's not unwelcome, just a little surprising and he can't help but huff a quiet laugh as he pretty much just falls over onto the couch, pillow still clutched to his chest as his head drops to the armrest. ]
You're like a big fiery demon cat or something. You know that?
[ Caliban just chuckles as the other falls over on the couch and the demon just drops back himself against the back of it, resting his elbow against it as he peered down at the other.]
I'd take offense at that but you've never had any reason to see me be anything but that-
[ other than those times they hit the darker, more possessive side of sex, he supposes.]
[ Caliban arches his eyebrows at that foot but he does drop his eyes to it with a soft chuckle and simply presses his chest back against it- but doesn't move it for the moment.]
Oh? Would you like to do anything for it?
[ He'd suggest something dirty but...hey, that was more his speed for a party than the others.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Words that are soft as he asks then and ones that, he doesn't really want to get into, but. He's come to accept those parts of himself — or at least acknowledge them more honestly rather than suppress and ignore them. ]
He feels like I'm a hypocrite for getting upset that Alec loves more than one person when I care about you.
no subject
[ There's a little reach of his hand up to brush his fingers over that mark he'd carved into the skin of the other, teasing over the other's shirt to touch it.]
Some reaction to this.
[ Of course the demon king was wrong as his eyebrows went up at those next words.]
Ah. This. [ Not exactly the first time the other had struggled with those feelings.] And he wanted to kill me so, you what, only had Alec's love to guide you?
no subject
[ Jace, he means, and even then, he's teasing.
Maybe.
Either way, he sighs as he rests there against both the couch and the demon, staring across the room. ]
Do you know why I get insecure like that? Why it bothers me that Alec reciprocates what whatshisname feels towards him here and why it doesn't bother me that he had Magnus?
no subject
[ He's teasing back with a little amused glint in his eyes. God. Honestly hearing either Jace or John talk about each other is a god damn experience.
Caliban's hand reaches up to brush along his lover's back, slipping under the other rumbled shirt to do so as he shifts back against the couch himself with a gentle brush of his him. ]
Because of that connection they share. That angelic...blood of theirs.
[ Alec had talked about it once, long ago, before Jace had arrived while they were in bed together, ironically, but it was a shot in the dark all the same.]
no subject
[ Nate had guessed as much as well, but. No. He was wrong and Caliban as well is. ]
He's the person Alec's been in love with since forever back where he's from but he never felt the same way about Alec until magically showing up here.
[ Shaking his head, he lets his teeth drag over his bottom lip before he tilts his head some to look up to Caliban what with lounging against him and all on the couch. ]
You know. I actually encouraged Alec to give him some time to fit in here because he was acting weird around Alec. I told him he was his best friend and he'd never think less of him or something for liking guys or being with guys or whatever. I got blown off and referred to as the boyfriend by him so I was just like fine, whatever.
[ Again, he shakes his head. ]
But then he goes and claims he loves Alec and it's like... I can't compete with someone's first love. I'd feel the same way if your wife showed up here. Like I can't measure up to that. No matter what I do.
no subject
[ And you could argue they all but shared a soul through it but he let any words die because hey, clearly he was *wrong* about his reasoning.
Caliban's tongue brushes along his lower lip at those words because- you could hear the hurt and frustration in John's voice. The genuine pain of that situation.
Of course, then the other went and mentioned *Sabrina* and he was oh so tempted to point out that his wife was *dead* and even if Sabrina did turn up, there was every chance it wouldn't be his version of her.
Because...well, she'd split herself into two somewhat ironically. ]
It's not about measuring up, John. [ It seemed like a better thing to focus on as he reached forward to brush his hand along the other side with a press of his lips.]
I want you because of who you are- of the depth of your soul. I would claim you, keep you, marry you in all the ways that mattered to the mortals or the celestial realm.
You are not in competition. I would say that Alec feels the same way. You are not lessened by someone else's feelings for another- your worth is not dictated by that very thing either.
You are a divine creature. [ Caliban pointed out as he let his hand brush over the others.] But I can see this pain for you, a struggle even. Do you think your feelings for me make you love Alec any less?
no subject
It feels fine if it's me doing it. But when someone else does it, I don't like it. Because I'm selfish and greedy like any other mortal.
[ Mortal. Not human, because he's not one of those. ]
That's what I meant when I told you I was all sorts of fucked up.
no subject
[ There's teasing impish smirk at that but he's not chasing that point too far down its dirty alleyway it would no doubt lead. Though the others struggle with this isn't something he can fully deal with himself- considering he never really saw an issue with John's feelings for Alec. Not when he as affection for Reggie or for Magnus himself.
But there are *times* he could get jealous of John. If he saw the other submitting for someone- another dominant maybe- , or saw John giving himself over in a way that he saw as should be only for Caliban.
Though neither of those situations had come up yet. ]
Most mortals I know are, John. They're complicated and contradictory- and stubborn.
[ He mused lightly with a click of his tongue.]
no subject
I can't believe you're not bothered by this. Am I taking crazy pills or something here in this place?
[ Scooting down to the other end of the couch, he huffs again and grabs one of the pillows, pulling his knees up and wrapping arms around that pillow, hugging it tight, chin dropped atop it. Honestly, it's a good thing he can't see himself and how he looks when he's pouting because he sort of looks... cute doing it. ]
I don't know if I'll ever be completely ok with it. I'm not like everyone else here. It's like I'm a freak at home for being different and a freak here for being different in another way entirely.
no subject
[ Thank you very much because he was enjoying a lap full of John as the other crawls off him and the demon just sighs as he runs a hand through his long blond hair and peers over at John for a moment.
He does look very, very cute as he pouts like that, pillow against his chest and just...well, adorable. ]
Would you prefer I had an issue with it? That I demand that you only love me? Or that I call you impossible because of the way you feel about this? Say you're screwed up because of it?
[ He pointed out with a little press of his lips.]
If someone from your past came here-....and told me that they loved you, and that wanted you, and asked me to let you go-...
[ There's a pause as the demon sucks on his cheek.]
I would refuse them, John. Perhaps that makes me a hypocrite as well- for I would not give you up so easily.
no subject
You wouldn't?
[ The question is soft — careful. Almost as if he believes himself to being toyed with right now. ]
no subject
[ It's John's *choice* to love Alec and whoever else but he's still in Caliban's life, he's still in his bed and he's still allowing that love between them. ]
I love you, John. You are not something I would toss away because someone has a past claim to your heart, John.
That mark on your chest isn't something I share with just anyone. Your love for Alec is a joy because it makes you happy, John. Some other...past love who thinks they would be better for you?
I would fight for you- and every inch of your heart.
no subject
Sometimes it's nice to hear that.
[ He says then, quietly. ]
I feel like... people here just get too caught up in— too used to how things are here with just being with anyone and everyone that it's like... it's hard to feel special sometimes. At least for me.
[ And why wouldn't a fire manipulating mutant want to feel special? Especially when anyone and everyone can be told they're loved here. ]
no subject
I would punch a hole through the universes to be at your side, John. That is not something I can say for everyone.
[ He pointed out as he leans a hand over to give the other knee a little squeeze.]
Is there a way I can make you feel more...special?
[ Though he would say having his mark and being a more permanent submissive would achieve such a goal. Therés a pause before Caliban was just going to reach up to tug off his necklace. The shrunken down version of the crown he'd arrived with to the city, was one of the few things he'd bought along with him.
He didn't ask as he took the others hand and slip it down, over the other finger.]
Here.
no subject
About to say something, he comes to pause when that necklace is removed and his hand is taken, Caliban slipping something on him which has the submissive blink up and over to the demon. Genuinely confused. ]
What are you doing?
no subject
[ Which seemed a simple enough thing to the demon. The other wanted to feel special, so why not give the other something that Magnus, Reggie or anyone else could ever have?
Something that was so dear to him that he'd dragged it from his own world.]
I won this crown, as a way to claim my throne.
[ He pointed out as he brushed his finger over the ring in question before his hand dropped away.]
And it represents that throne, and now it's yours.
no subject
But that's all you've wanted, isn't it?
[ He lifts his gaze then. ]
Your throne? It's important to you.
no subject
[ He pointed out- if only to express that the other was on the same level as that throne to him. As taking over the whole human realm was- John was special.
A feat that even Sabrina never quite managed.]
no subject
Thank you.
[ He says then, soft, looking up and over to Caliban after a moment. ]
no subject
[ Because hey, he's aware complicated things like John's feelings about Jace or Alec or him don't get waved away in a simple gesture but he's trying all the same to help- There's a simple smile from the demon as he meets those eyes again with a little simple tilt of his head.]
But hopefully, it's a way to remind you that you are, in fact, quite special, John.
[ He pointed out as he leaned forward to bump his forehead against the others gently.]
no subject
You're like a big fiery demon cat or something. You know that?
no subject
I'd take offense at that but you've never had any reason to see me be anything but that-
[ other than those times they hit the darker, more possessive side of sex, he supposes.]
But I'll take it as a compliment.
no subject
[ He confirms, letting a leg stretch out there on the couch to... gently rest a foot on Caliban's chest. Because he can. Clearly. ]
It's my birthday this month you know.
no subject
[ Caliban arches his eyebrows at that foot but he does drop his eyes to it with a soft chuckle and simply presses his chest back against it- but doesn't move it for the moment.]
Oh? Would you like to do anything for it?
[ He'd suggest something dirty but...hey, that was more his speed for a party than the others.]
no subject
[ Hard to believe he's had two birthdays here soon. The first hadn't been celebrated because he hadn't said anything. ]
You know... with you being a demon and all and me being a mortal, I'm clearly really young for you. Does that mean you like 'em younger?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)