Contact Post | Caliban

[clayking]

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[fireshow]

you’re ok with that?
if i have a room there as mine?
no visitors
just mine?

[clayking]

Just yours. I can even ward it so no one can enter without your permission.

Speaking of visitors… Nate would like to see you.

[fireshow]

i know

[clayking]

Oh.
So this is..
oh.
Do you want to talk about it or do you just want to pick a room?

[fireshow]

i’m just scared

[clayking]

Of what exactly?

And with all that time that he might have lost-..
He might need you, you know.
He's at the house when you're...ready.

[fireshow]

because it’s been so long

[clayking]

When I was gone… I spent my time in a void with no meaning. No sense of logic or time. Barely a sense of self outside my own hate and anger. I spent possible years in there.

And the first thing I wanted to see when I got home was you.

Time has very little impact on such things, John.

He wants to see you.

[fireshow]

but what if it’s not the same anymore?
what if he can’t or doesn’t want to put up with me anymore?
he’s been through shit obviously

[clayking]

And you think the risk that it has, is worth not finding out that it hasn't?
It was his first question to me, John. It was about you. So I don't think the idea that he doesn't want to put up with you holds much water.
And...? So what? You help him carry that for a little while. You relearn what you missed.

If you have the feelings you say you do for him John- the ones you have for me- the shit he's gone though isn't the thing that's going to stop you.

[fireshow]

i thought you didn't understand mortal feelings and all

[clayking]

I don't at the best of times.

This means this must be rather clear to even someone as ill-equipped as me.

He wants to see you John.

[fireshow]

i know
i'll figure it out

[clayking]

Good.

Do.

If only so he doesn't worry a hole into the floor the entire time he's here.

[fireshow]

sure thing daddy

[clayking]

Cute.

You know what happened last time you called me that.

Just safe till you come back, yeah?

[fireshow]

i will
love you

[clayking]

Good.
I love you, my little fire demon.
Come home to us.

[fireshow]

i asked hope to give me my feelings back for alec

[clayking]

And you'rere sure you can handle that?

[fireshow]

no
but everyone keeps thinking i should

[clayking]

It's your pain, John.
Only you really get to choose if you want to deal with it or not.
Ultimately no one else can tell you what do with it. And as someone who used to deal with pain regularly...

Sometimes forgetting isn't the worst thing.

[fireshow]

people think otherwise
and i'm impulsive remember?

[clayking]

You are.
But they're your memories with Alec. We can't really dictate what you'd do with them. I remember my grief from the loss of Sabrina.
...It's a certain sort of madness that most do not understand.

[fireshow]

i'm just always gonna be like this
you know?
a mess at times