[ Caliban just takes a breath as the other presses his head against him like that- because the other wasn't wrong. It wasn't always easy to weather the storm when John let those thoughts and moods creep up on him- when he started acting on whatever inner voice seemed to deem true.
But he let the mutant speak, to get out all those thoughts he might have in the moment to fill the space between them. His eyebrows do arch up slightly at the mention of feeling what he felt for John- of sharing those emotions between them. ]
That's a simple enough spell... are you sure you wish that? [ Because it's not like Caliban *didn't* have darkness inside him. And such a spells weren't cut and dry all the time when it came to what particular feelings you were trying to summon up.]
And, I'm aware you can't stop-...but we've always done this on your terms, on your rules. It's literally in the contract. So...it makes it hard to know if it's your...mood or if it's what you wish with clarity.
[ Pulling back enough to look up to the demon there so close to him, fingers still held with his own, those blue-gray eyes of his slowly blink as he stares to the demon. To his dominant. To this partner of his he's known for almost two years now. How in the hell did time go by as much as it has? ]
[ He pointed out with a little bite of his cheek. If this was something that could help John.. mitigate some of his feelings. Shouldn't he just step up and do it- regardless of the risks of what the other might find in his soul?]
I am a demon after all- and while my love for you isn't in doubt. The way I see the would is still...different from yours.
[ He pointed out softly as he reached his free hand up to cup the other's neck before he spoke again-]
But if you think this is what will help- we can certainly try.
I don't want to feel everything that you do. I just want to feel what you feel for me.
[ To have some sort of empathy bond with him... that's not what he wants. He knows Nate had something like that with Nick and is now dealing with the loss of that when having always had him there to be felt. John doesn't want that — doesn't want to constantly be connected to another like that. With how unpredictable his moods are, it sounds more like a nightmare than anything else. ]
Or are you afraid it'll make me a demon or something?
[ There's a little click of his tongue as glanced away to let the thought run through his mind. As he settled though athousand years of various spells but his eyes did flick to John a moment later at the question.]
It's less that- and more that you might see the full extent of my...depth. I suppose. I've never hid the way I feel about the mortal world or the plans I had for it. But feeling such a thing would be more intense.
[ There's a beat though.] But I can make you feel what I feel for you. Just that.
[ Something permanent is not... what he's looking for. With anyone, for that matter. Not when his moods are so wild and unpredictable. to constantly or permanently have access to what someone else feels... he's not even sure he would have wanted that with Alec, in all honesty. It's just... too much, he thinks. Liable to complicate things even more than they already are in his head a lot of the time. ]
Magic isn't an exact art- John. Even for me. It could last thirty seconds or an hour, a day at worst.
[ He said simply with a little shrug as he peered down at the other. Since it wasn't a full bond- it was more like opening the window a crack to let the other peek inside.]
[ Magic isn't anything John really has much experience with himself, so. He simply has to take Caliban's word for it. A nod of his head, he looks down and, after a moment, reaches out to take the other's hand. Holding it. ]
You know... [ Looking up, he sighs. ] ...I'll have been here for two years next month.
[ There's a little tilt of his head as the other takes his hand but he returns that squeeze without hesitation.]
Oh? wish to do something to celebrate? Or is it...not a happy milestone? [ Because hey- everything that happened in the city. It's not shocking, really.]
A lack of a choice isn't really the same thing, John.
[ It felt worth pointing out, regardless.]
When you have only madness waiting for you in the darkness, finding my feet here is less of choice and more like the only move you can make on a chessboard.
[ He said simply with a little one-shouldered shrug as his fingers interlinked with the others tighter.]
But I would chose to be wherever you are, with every choice I could make. So I am happy here.
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no subject
But he let the mutant speak, to get out all those thoughts he might have in the moment to fill the space between them. His eyebrows do arch up slightly at the mention of feeling what he felt for John- of sharing those emotions between them. ]
That's a simple enough spell... are you sure you wish that? [ Because it's not like Caliban *didn't* have darkness inside him. And such a spells weren't cut and dry all the time when it came to what particular feelings you were trying to summon up.]
And, I'm aware you can't stop-...but we've always done this on your terms, on your rules. It's literally in the contract. So...it makes it hard to know if it's your...mood or if it's what you wish with clarity.
no subject
You think it's a bad idea?
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[ He pointed out with a little bite of his cheek. If this was something that could help John.. mitigate some of his feelings. Shouldn't he just step up and do it- regardless of the risks of what the other might find in his soul?]
I am a demon after all- and while my love for you isn't in doubt. The way I see the would is still...different from yours.
[ He pointed out softly as he reached his free hand up to cup the other's neck before he spoke again-]
But if you think this is what will help- we can certainly try.
no subject
[ To have some sort of empathy bond with him... that's not what he wants. He knows Nate had something like that with Nick and is now dealing with the loss of that when having always had him there to be felt. John doesn't want that — doesn't want to constantly be connected to another like that. With how unpredictable his moods are, it sounds more like a nightmare than anything else. ]
Or are you afraid it'll make me a demon or something?
no subject
[ There's a little click of his tongue as glanced away to let the thought run through his mind. As he settled though athousand years of various spells but his eyes did flick to John a moment later at the question.]
It's less that- and more that you might see the full extent of my...depth. I suppose. I've never hid the way I feel about the mortal world or the plans I had for it. But feeling such a thing would be more intense.
[ There's a beat though.] But I can make you feel what I feel for you. Just that.
It won't last long however.
no subject
[ Something permanent is not... what he's looking for. With anyone, for that matter. Not when his moods are so wild and unpredictable. to constantly or permanently have access to what someone else feels... he's not even sure he would have wanted that with Alec, in all honesty. It's just... too much, he thinks. Liable to complicate things even more than they already are in his head a lot of the time. ]
no subject
[ He said simply with a little shrug as he peered down at the other. Since it wasn't a full bond- it was more like opening the window a crack to let the other peek inside.]
no subject
You know... [ Looking up, he sighs. ] ...I'll have been here for two years next month.
no subject
Oh? wish to do something to celebrate? Or is it...not a happy milestone? [ Because hey- everything that happened in the city. It's not shocking, really.]
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[ Rubbing the pad of his thumb over the back of Caliban's hand, he looks up to him again. ]
I'm guessing you're happy to be here. Because of what you have to go back to.
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[ It felt worth pointing out, regardless.]
When you have only madness waiting for you in the darkness, finding my feet here is less of choice and more like the only move you can make on a chessboard.
[ He said simply with a little one-shouldered shrug as his fingers interlinked with the others tighter.]
But I would chose to be wherever you are, with every choice I could make. So I am happy here.