[ He's concerned enough about John- at least from an emotional standpoint, he was aware how hard it was to just sit by and do nothing- to be the one to sit on your hands and wait is...never the simplest thing to do.
Caliban was in his usual state of nudity, a simple open black silk shirt and a pair of tight black jeans to match as he turned to gaze over at John with a faint smile at the sound of the other walking to his room. A simple flick of his wrist closed the magic book he was reading as he stood up.]
Well, it is the season, or so I'm told by clients.
[ He pointed out but the demon easily moved closer before rolling his hand to create a small, but warm and bright ball of fire as he strolled close to his submissive- giving him the chance to feel that heat.]
[ The jealousy he feels over Caliban being able to create fire for himself has lessened over the year(?) that he's known him, but there's still times when he wishes he could. When he's salty that the demon can.
Turning his hand palm up, he pulls strips of flame away from the ball of fire and lets them slither around his fingers, down his wrist, across his arm and over his back and chest, creating a coat made of flame which sits there on him, John completely unharmed, as always. ]
Better now.
[ He smiles a bit and turns to press his back to the doorframe, leaning there with his fiery jacket softly crackling as he stares off. ]
Figures he'd go to sleep when it's supposed to be stupid Christmas this month.
[ Caliban, on the other hand, rather always enjoyed watching John show off his powers like that. His head tilted slightly at the sight of the coat of flames that danced along the other's fireproof skin. His hand dropping down to put out the rest of the flames now that John had taken what he needed.]
Clearly.
[ There was easy affection in his voice at that as he reaches a hand out to brush his fingers over Johns in an intimate little moment.]
Did you get him a gift?
[ He asked, a little curious as he took a few steps closer.]
I'm sure he'll be quite upset he missed such a date if he does not return by then.
[ But he was going to? Maybe. The last time he'd gone and got a gift for Alec, it had caused a rift between them when the Shadowhunter had more or less rejected it. Or, at least, the intention behind it. With being as insecure as he is about his worth to others, it's a wound he still licks from time to time. A moment he often wishes never happened.
Letting his gaze drop, he watches the way the demon gently brushes those fingers against his hand and he lets his own fingers lace with his dominant's, sighing as he shakes his head. ]
[ He wasn't going to press on John's reasons why or why not. He'd long learned that if the other wished to actually speak about something, he would bring it up when he was ready. There's an easy smile when the other's fingers lace with his, however, and the demon takes it a step further to make sure his fingers link with his proper, before giving it a little squeeze.]
A terrible state of affairs.
[ He teased as he moved closer, easily letting that fire brush against his own body as he moved up an upper hand to cup the other's neck. ]
You will have to teach me about this holiday, however- unless you wish to practice the solstice. Which...well, has its merits.
[ It's no secret by now that he can be a lot to handle at times — he'd gone and said as much to Caliban when they had discussed renewing their contract. He's difficult and unapproachable at times — liable to lash out as angrily as the fire he controls is capable of when enraged. He knows it's how he is — tries to be mindful of it at times and has enough self-awareness to have warned the demon of how he could be.
Still, sometimes it's difficult to catch himself before he slips into that pattern — into that way of thinking and the impulses of wanting to either runaway or burn everything down around him. Being here right now with the other is something he hopes Caliban can see is him trying — him relenting in giving into what some part of him always wants to do.
When their fingers link together, he looks up to Caliban, the touch of his hand there on his neck warm. ]
[ It does mean a lot that John was actually here with him in something that could be the most stressful time for him considering everything that was going on. It would have been easy to retreat into one's self for however long when things like this happened. Instead, he was here with him, letting Caliban be there for him.
There's a little faint smile at that question. ]
In my world, it's what the witches celebrate around this time- it's filled with various traditions but it's mostly about celebrating when the veil between the mortal world and the ones beyond it is at its thinnest.
[ He pointed out softly as he gave their hands a little squeeze together.]
It's a time for questions to be answered, for magic to be... reflected upon. I suppose.
Well if that's what you celebrate, then why don't we do that?
[ He gives a shrug, fingers still holding to Caliban's. ]
I mean— not like I'm really into this whole Christmas thing to begin with. If the solstice is something more traditional for you, we can do that instead.
[ Because this isn't just about him and what he wants. This is something for them to do together and with John not having any strong feelings towards Christmas to begin with, if there's something Caliban himself does, then he's fine with going with that. ]
[ While it technically wasn't exactly he himself celebrated after all- Lucifer wasn't exactly the sort to throw such an event in hell while he was ruling.
It was something that did remind him enough of home, of the witches- Of Sabrina and Nick. ]
I suppose it would be nice to share something like this for both of us.
[ Something new they could explore together. Caliban was just going to nudge his nose against the others before stealing a soft, gentle, easy kiss from the mutant. ]
As I understand you it. You still get that tree of yours, however.
[ Lips are soft in the way they brush over Caliban's and when the kiss breaks, he hums a little, licking over his lips, back pressed there against the doorframe still. ]
I think you're the one between us wanting that tree the most.
[ There's just the faintest hint of a smile there on his lips and he finally pushes away from the doorframe to make his way to the bed — pulling Caliban along with their hands still linked together, of course. ]
So what do we do for this solstice anyways? Or what do you want to do for it?
Well, it is rather a tradition mortals seem to be in favor of.
[ And obviously, wouldn't John want one to decorate? It's flawless logic, clearly. Caliban doesn't fight it when John pushes away from the doorframe and makes his way to the bed- their bed- and simply follows the others lead as he drops down onto it and tugs John back along with him, his free hand already moving down to grip the others hip with a possessive little squeeze.]
I can only talk to what the witches do- Which is among many things, gathering at dawn the day after the longest night to witness the magical occurrence of the sun. One does require to stay awake for such an event- to see the world when the magical and mundane intertwine.
[ He pointed out with a soft little hum-]
And it would be one chance to talk to the dead. Or at least, the ones who haven't arrived in Hell or the sweethere after. The newly dead.
[ Letting himself be pulled down onto the bed, he looks to the demon rather curiously, that jacket of flame slipping off and spreading onto the bed, only to completely extinguish as per John's desire. ]
You sure that's gonna be a thing here? I mean... the magic and all that shit.
[ Duplicity has its own Thing after all and even Caliban's own magic is limited. ]
Sorta thought you were gonna say I needed to dress skantaly clad or something.
But the rituals are important, are they not? We can at the very least take in the sun as it dawns.
[ He pointed out as before he arches his eyebrow at those words because ooo. Would John do that? A hand moves down along the other's chest as he gets that teasing dirty glint in his eyes.]
There is another tradition on a different festival, about the Hare Moon. It requires you to bath in the moonlight- naked- oiled out and...indulge in one another.
[ He pointed out with a little tilt of his head back as he met those eyes.]
[ Watching the way Caliban trails his hand down his chest like he is, John tilts his head a bit, laying there with the other - with his dominant.
It's a very real possibility that neither of them will be here in a year's time - never mind even a month or week from now. It's like that back home in general, sure. But somehow, being here, it feels different to know that. ]
Do you want to stay here? You don't have anything to go back to.
[ There's a grimace at that because wow- wasn't that a depressing thought? The idea of not being here, of the city sending him back without a care for his own desires. His tongue brushes over his lower lip as his hand stops its wandering to simply focus over at the other- at his submissive.]
Then It's not exactly a choice- is it? All that awaits me is the void. And a slow death. Or madness.
[ He pointed out softly as he shifted on the bed. He was, at the very least, trying to be honest with the other- why shy away from that huge truth?.]
[ He knows what awaits Caliban when he leaves here — he'd been told as much before when the demon had first returned from the slumber he had been put under by the city. It's not a thing he wishes for the demon to go back to, but... it's not as if he has a say in the matter. Not as if he has that sort of power.
When Caliban shifts some, he lets him, blue-gray eyes watching him curiously as he still lays there on his side. ]
I like to think you're stronger than death.
[ He says softly then. ]
You're a demon king. Nothing and no one can stand in your way.
[ There's a soft smile at that- it was a lovely bold though, even if he wasn't quite sure John understood the magnitude of something like the Void or any of the eldritch horrors he'd face in the past nor the actual amount of power they'd wielded as they'd taken down his world.
So instead he was just going to cup the others neck and leave forward, to brush his nose against the others and to tease his lips against Johns.]
And you are my prince.
[ He teased softly as he pulled back to meet those eyes.]
And I will punch a hole in this universe to find you again. Always.
[ Moments like these are sometimes difficult for John — difficult for him to accept. That anyone would want to burn down a city for him or to punch a hole in any universe to find him... part of him knows these are just words and nothing more than that. He's a writer. He knows how to string together lovely words that can make a person's heart flutter and feel as if someone understands and sees them. How could these words — words from anyone be anything other than that?
How far he's come with Caliban, when he really thinks about it, is startling, to say the least. When they'd first "met" over text, he'd brushed the demon off — wasn't interested in speaking with him or even considering a contract with him. Then they had come across one another in that worn down house and they had nearly shook the house down with how tangled up in one another they had become due to the aphrodisiacs that had been floating around in the air. Then their paths had crossed again and again and every time, they'd ended up fucking. Hard. Rough. Sweaty filthy sex that was a release the both of them seemed to need — an itch that no one else could seem to scratch. Then somehow it had evolved into something more than that — something more than playful teasing and good hard fucks. It had become a contract that's been renewed a few times now (never broken or changed) and no longer just a quick hard fuck with nothing more than that between them. To Caliban, John is his fire prince, and to this day, he still doesn't know what to make of that.
So he smiles a bit — soft — a playful roll of his eyes given before he comes to roll onto his back and he puffs out a sigh, gaze staring up to the ceiling above him. ]
You're lucky I don't blow your cover with how sappy you can be.
[ The demon chuckles at those next words as he leans over the other as he settles back onto the bed. At this point, it was hard to imagine the other not in his life- or his bed or in the back of his mind. The feeling he got when they were together- when they were fucking so intensely he was sure they'd burn down every single thing in the universe and even in the quieter moments when Caliban reached for him and he was simply...there. it wasn't something he expected at all to ever have with a mortal. Let alone one who could be as bratty and as hard to get a handle on as John.
The blond smiled as he lowered his read to place a kiss against John's chest before he peered up the other.]
I'm not sure anyone would buy it if you did. I think I'm more known for bending you over in the most interesting of places, my little fire demon.
[ He pointed out with a sparkle in his eye as he shifted onto the bed, just gently resting against the other.]
[ When Caliban chooses to lean against him, he lets him, even coming to reach out and gently let the tips of his fingers run along the demon's shoulder and down his arm, only to fall back against the bed again. ]
I mean... it's not like I really have a home to go back to.
[ He's not even being a brat. It's the truth. ]
At least here I'm not hunted down and hated because of not being a human.
[ Granted, he's still been depowered and not considered as good as a dominant, but. He also gets away with a lot more here, too. There's just the whole he and Alec can't really be together in the sense of living together or even spending more than three nights together without causing trouble for their dominants. That wouldn't be an issue back in his world. ]
But it's not like this place is really super better, so. I don't know. I just... go where I go. I've never really stayed in one place for long.
[ He was almost tempted that at least he had somewhere to go that wasn't a white void but..well, he'd seen how John had been at the camps and if that was a taste of the others word- well if he had a choice, he would have overthrown that mortal world for a new circle of Hell. So perhaps he wasn't the best man to consider what he'd do in John's place.
His head does duck a touch as he sucks on the inside of his cheek at the other's words. Caliban had tried to, at the very least, make the life they had together a little more bearable with everything the city threw at them. ]
Understandable- you make the best of a situation when you can. I suppose you have too.
Shifting then, he comes to lean himself up on his arms and he looks over to the demon there. He knows he's probably asked this once or twice already before albeit phrased differently, but he can't help himself from wanting to ask — from wanting to know. ]
Why do you keep this up with me?
[ Eyes searching the other's gaze, he continues. ]
I know you said you forgive me for how I treated you. But shouldn't that change how you feel about me? With how unpredictable my moods can be?
[ There's that question again and Caliban's eyebrows were just going to arch up because he felt like he already covered this. Still...he can see that look in John's eyes- that need for the truth.
There's a little intake of breath the demon in no way needs since he doesn't have lungs as he shifts to lean on his elbow slightly, but keeps his eyes locked to the other.]
Mortals are always unpredictable John. Demons...we tend to be very narrow in our desires. A succubus craves sex. A Rusalka wishes to drown souls. Even as I am, the desire to become king and invade your world is something that's...understandable for a demon. Singular. We exist to strive for chaos under the cosmic order. Mortals, on the other hand...never seem to be so..easily understood.
[ He pointed out as he reached out to brush his knuckles against the other jawline.]
The fire in you was the thing that caught my attention with you so very, very early on. And fire isn't exactly always so predictable either. Having that change the way I feel about you because you...pushed me away hardly seems particularly fair.
I put up with you because I wish you to have you here, with me.
[ He pointed out as his hand dropped away.]
My desire for you never wanes- while I admit that I was...stung by your actions, in a way so very few have ever managed, I'd rather try to have you here than banish you for such a thing.
[ Staring to him still, he runs his tongue over his bottom lip and sighs, head dropping for a moment, strands of brown hair falling in front of his face as he does. ]
There's times I'm going to be cruel to you. Try and get you to banish me from your life. I know I've told you that before, but do you really understand that? Part of me will feel terrible for it and wish I didn't, but another part of me won't care. Because that's how I get when I want to burn everything around me down... I just don't care. In that moment, I don't. It's like the only thing that matters is letting go of that feeling inside me. Of lashing out and not caring if I hurt others or myself.
[ He's not sure if Caliban can understand — maybe? That deep-seated desire to just create chaos and not stop until everything is turned upside-down and burned to the ground. An almost need to, in some twisted way. Maybe it's the anger he keeps inside him still — the insecurities that bleed into emotions more dangerous and unpredictable. More raw and wild. ]
I've killed people back where I'm from. I've burned them to death and it felt good to. I don't know if that's really me or not. If that's who I am deep down. I thought it was. [ It was easy to think that when people feared him and what he could do. ] But coming here, it just... I don't know. I feel like I'm in a constant argument with myself. With who I should be. How's that for being a complicated mortal?
[ Caliban listened and just allowed John to say his piece, to let him vent and explain where his mind was. His head tilting as he listens, it certainly seemed like...well, a lot and yet all at the same time nothing he'd hadn't understood before John had said it.]
And there are times I'm going to be possessive or commanding or arrogant or have a thousand dark desires I wish to inflict on someone. I have licked the tears off a submissive face and enjoyed every moment of it. A wish to ruin or destroy isn't unknown to me. You mention murder and I've already confessed my desire to make the mortal world a new circle of hell that could bring untold suffering to such a place. You do not have a monopoly on wondering why we are together but your desires...and your impulses will happen and I'm not unaware of that. But you should know I make the choice to stand with them- and if I do not wish to do such a thing. You will know.
[ Caliban pointed out with a little brush of his fingers over Johns.]
I would suggest magic for your little issue but sundering one's soul into two, no matter how temporary, can lead to...mischief. Who do you wish to be?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Caliban was in his usual state of nudity, a simple open black silk shirt and a pair of tight black jeans to match as he turned to gaze over at John with a faint smile at the sound of the other walking to his room. A simple flick of his wrist closed the magic book he was reading as he stood up.]
Well, it is the season, or so I'm told by clients.
[ He pointed out but the demon easily moved closer before rolling his hand to create a small, but warm and bright ball of fire as he strolled close to his submissive- giving him the chance to feel that heat.]
How's this?
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Turning his hand palm up, he pulls strips of flame away from the ball of fire and lets them slither around his fingers, down his wrist, across his arm and over his back and chest, creating a coat made of flame which sits there on him, John completely unharmed, as always. ]
Better now.
[ He smiles a bit and turns to press his back to the doorframe, leaning there with his fiery jacket softly crackling as he stares off. ]
Figures he'd go to sleep when it's supposed to be stupid Christmas this month.
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Clearly.
[ There was easy affection in his voice at that as he reaches a hand out to brush his fingers over Johns in an intimate little moment.]
Did you get him a gift?
[ He asked, a little curious as he took a few steps closer.]
I'm sure he'll be quite upset he missed such a date if he does not return by then.
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[ But he was going to? Maybe. The last time he'd gone and got a gift for Alec, it had caused a rift between them when the Shadowhunter had more or less rejected it. Or, at least, the intention behind it. With being as insecure as he is about his worth to others, it's a wound he still licks from time to time. A moment he often wishes never happened.
Letting his gaze drop, he watches the way the demon gently brushes those fingers against his hand and he lets his own fingers lace with his dominant's, sighing as he shakes his head. ]
Guess it's just you and me then.
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[ He wasn't going to press on John's reasons why or why not. He'd long learned that if the other wished to actually speak about something, he would bring it up when he was ready. There's an easy smile when the other's fingers lace with his, however, and the demon takes it a step further to make sure his fingers link with his proper, before giving it a little squeeze.]
A terrible state of affairs.
[ He teased as he moved closer, easily letting that fire brush against his own body as he moved up an upper hand to cup the other's neck. ]
You will have to teach me about this holiday, however- unless you wish to practice the solstice. Which...well, has its merits.
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Still, sometimes it's difficult to catch himself before he slips into that pattern — into that way of thinking and the impulses of wanting to either runaway or burn everything down around him. Being here right now with the other is something he hopes Caliban can see is him trying — him relenting in giving into what some part of him always wants to do.
When their fingers link together, he looks up to Caliban, the touch of his hand there on his neck warm. ]
What's the solstice?
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There's a little faint smile at that question. ]
In my world, it's what the witches celebrate around this time- it's filled with various traditions but it's mostly about celebrating when the veil between the mortal world and the ones beyond it is at its thinnest.
[ He pointed out softly as he gave their hands a little squeeze together.]
It's a time for questions to be answered, for magic to be... reflected upon. I suppose.
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[ He gives a shrug, fingers still holding to Caliban's. ]
I mean— not like I'm really into this whole Christmas thing to begin with. If the solstice is something more traditional for you, we can do that instead.
[ Because this isn't just about him and what he wants. This is something for them to do together and with John not having any strong feelings towards Christmas to begin with, if there's something Caliban himself does, then he's fine with going with that. ]
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It was something that did remind him enough of home, of the witches- Of Sabrina and Nick. ]
I suppose it would be nice to share something like this for both of us.
[ Something new they could explore together. Caliban was just going to nudge his nose against the others before stealing a soft, gentle, easy kiss from the mutant. ]
As I understand you it. You still get that tree of yours, however.
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I think you're the one between us wanting that tree the most.
[ There's just the faintest hint of a smile there on his lips and he finally pushes away from the doorframe to make his way to the bed — pulling Caliban along with their hands still linked together, of course. ]
So what do we do for this solstice anyways? Or what do you want to do for it?
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[ And obviously, wouldn't John want one to decorate? It's flawless logic, clearly. Caliban doesn't fight it when John pushes away from the doorframe and makes his way to the bed- their bed- and simply follows the others lead as he drops down onto it and tugs John back along with him, his free hand already moving down to grip the others hip with a possessive little squeeze.]
I can only talk to what the witches do- Which is among many things, gathering at dawn the day after the longest night to witness the magical occurrence of the sun. One does require to stay awake for such an event- to see the world when the magical and mundane intertwine.
[ He pointed out with a soft little hum-]
And it would be one chance to talk to the dead. Or at least, the ones who haven't arrived in Hell or the sweethere after. The newly dead.
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You sure that's gonna be a thing here? I mean... the magic and all that shit.
[ Duplicity has its own Thing after all and even Caliban's own magic is limited. ]
Sorta thought you were gonna say I needed to dress skantaly clad or something.
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[ But that's not exactly the point since- ]
But the rituals are important, are they not? We can at the very least take in the sun as it dawns.
[ He pointed out as before he arches his eyebrow at those words because ooo. Would John do that? A hand moves down along the other's chest as he gets that teasing dirty glint in his eyes.]
There is another tradition on a different festival, about the Hare Moon. It requires you to bath in the moonlight- naked- oiled out and...indulge in one another.
[ He pointed out with a little tilt of his head back as he met those eyes.]
If you wish to join me for that next year.
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[ Watching the way Caliban trails his hand down his chest like he is, John tilts his head a bit, laying there with the other - with his dominant.
It's a very real possibility that neither of them will be here in a year's time - never mind even a month or week from now. It's like that back home in general, sure. But somehow, being here, it feels different to know that. ]
Do you want to stay here? You don't have anything to go back to.
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Then It's not exactly a choice- is it? All that awaits me is the void. And a slow death. Or madness.
[ He pointed out softly as he shifted on the bed. He was, at the very least, trying to be honest with the other- why shy away from that huge truth?.]
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When Caliban shifts some, he lets him, blue-gray eyes watching him curiously as he still lays there on his side. ]
I like to think you're stronger than death.
[ He says softly then. ]
You're a demon king. Nothing and no one can stand in your way.
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So instead he was just going to cup the others neck and leave forward, to brush his nose against the others and to tease his lips against Johns.]
And you are my prince.
[ He teased softly as he pulled back to meet those eyes.]
And I will punch a hole in this universe to find you again. Always.
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How far he's come with Caliban, when he really thinks about it, is startling, to say the least. When they'd first "met" over text, he'd brushed the demon off — wasn't interested in speaking with him or even considering a contract with him. Then they had come across one another in that worn down house and they had nearly shook the house down with how tangled up in one another they had become due to the aphrodisiacs that had been floating around in the air. Then their paths had crossed again and again and every time, they'd ended up fucking. Hard. Rough. Sweaty filthy sex that was a release the both of them seemed to need — an itch that no one else could seem to scratch. Then somehow it had evolved into something more than that — something more than playful teasing and good hard fucks. It had become a contract that's been renewed a few times now (never broken or changed) and no longer just a quick hard fuck with nothing more than that between them. To Caliban, John is his fire prince, and to this day, he still doesn't know what to make of that.
So he smiles a bit — soft — a playful roll of his eyes given before he comes to roll onto his back and he puffs out a sigh, gaze staring up to the ceiling above him. ]
You're lucky I don't blow your cover with how sappy you can be.
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The blond smiled as he lowered his read to place a kiss against John's chest before he peered up the other.]
I'm not sure anyone would buy it if you did. I think I'm more known for bending you over in the most interesting of places, my little fire demon.
[ He pointed out with a sparkle in his eye as he shifted onto the bed, just gently resting against the other.]
What about you? Do you wish to stay here?
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I mean... it's not like I really have a home to go back to.
[ He's not even being a brat. It's the truth. ]
At least here I'm not hunted down and hated because of not being a human.
[ Granted, he's still been depowered and not considered as good as a dominant, but. He also gets away with a lot more here, too. There's just the whole he and Alec can't really be together in the sense of living together or even spending more than three nights together without causing trouble for their dominants. That wouldn't be an issue back in his world. ]
But it's not like this place is really super better, so. I don't know. I just... go where I go. I've never really stayed in one place for long.
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His head does duck a touch as he sucks on the inside of his cheek at the other's words. Caliban had tried to, at the very least, make the life they had together a little more bearable with everything the city threw at them. ]
Understandable- you make the best of a situation when you can. I suppose you have too.
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[ To say the least.
Shifting then, he comes to lean himself up on his arms and he looks over to the demon there. He knows he's probably asked this once or twice already before albeit phrased differently, but he can't help himself from wanting to ask — from wanting to know. ]
Why do you keep this up with me?
[ Eyes searching the other's gaze, he continues. ]
I know you said you forgive me for how I treated you. But shouldn't that change how you feel about me? With how unpredictable my moods can be?
no subject
There's a little intake of breath the demon in no way needs since he doesn't have lungs as he shifts to lean on his elbow slightly, but keeps his eyes locked to the other.]
Mortals are always unpredictable John. Demons...we tend to be very narrow in our desires. A succubus craves sex. A Rusalka wishes to drown souls. Even as I am, the desire to become king and invade your world is something that's...understandable for a demon. Singular. We exist to strive for chaos under the cosmic order. Mortals, on the other hand...never seem to be so..easily understood.
[ He pointed out as he reached out to brush his knuckles against the other jawline.]
The fire in you was the thing that caught my attention with you so very, very early on. And fire isn't exactly always so predictable either. Having that change the way I feel about you because you...pushed me away hardly seems particularly fair.
I put up with you because I wish you to have you here, with me.
[ He pointed out as his hand dropped away.]
My desire for you never wanes- while I admit that I was...stung by your actions, in a way so very few have ever managed, I'd rather try to have you here than banish you for such a thing.
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There's times I'm going to be cruel to you. Try and get you to banish me from your life. I know I've told you that before, but do you really understand that? Part of me will feel terrible for it and wish I didn't, but another part of me won't care. Because that's how I get when I want to burn everything around me down... I just don't care. In that moment, I don't. It's like the only thing that matters is letting go of that feeling inside me. Of lashing out and not caring if I hurt others or myself.
[ He's not sure if Caliban can understand — maybe? That deep-seated desire to just create chaos and not stop until everything is turned upside-down and burned to the ground. An almost need to, in some twisted way. Maybe it's the anger he keeps inside him still — the insecurities that bleed into emotions more dangerous and unpredictable. More raw and wild. ]
I've killed people back where I'm from. I've burned them to death and it felt good to. I don't know if that's really me or not. If that's who I am deep down. I thought it was. [ It was easy to think that when people feared him and what he could do. ] But coming here, it just... I don't know. I feel like I'm in a constant argument with myself. With who I should be. How's that for being a complicated mortal?
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And there are times I'm going to be possessive or commanding or arrogant or have a thousand dark desires I wish to inflict on someone. I have licked the tears off a submissive face and enjoyed every moment of it. A wish to ruin or destroy isn't unknown to me. You mention murder and I've already confessed my desire to make the mortal world a new circle of hell that could bring untold suffering to such a place. You do not have a monopoly on wondering why we are together but your desires...and your impulses will happen and I'm not unaware of that. But you should know I make the choice to stand with them- and if I do not wish to do such a thing. You will know.
[ Caliban pointed out with a little brush of his fingers over Johns.]
I would suggest magic for your little issue but sundering one's soul into two, no matter how temporary, can lead to...mischief. Who do you wish to be?
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